Me and my partner Luc have received our initial proposal back from Mrs. Swinehart. We got an 11 out of 24 on it. She mostly told us to elaborate on some of our ideas that we wrote down for our project. One of the parts we got point off of was the meaning of the project. Luc and I think that our project has a bigger meaning than it’s title. The Radnor Ice Hockey club from elementary to Middle School has given us a lot of great things. We have grown a lot as hockey players do to the club and it’s coaches. Now we feel we should give back to what has given to us. Another part that points were taken off was on our timeline. The timeline showed what we were going to do throughout the year. One part that our teacher was confused on was the evaluation of the players. The evaluation process would go through a month or two. This would include looking at their skating, shooting, and other aspects of their game. I think that we got points off because of our lack of description. Me and Luc understand what we are talking about and we think that other people know what are talking about as well. We need to elaborate more on our ideas so our teacher and other people can know what we are talking about.
Me and Luc also began writing our pitch. We need to find a way to win over our teacher and other judges to let us do this project. Persuasion and description need to be used. Like I said earlier we need to be descriptive on our plans for this project so they know what we are planning to do. Persuasion will be used in the words we choose to use and our enthusiasm in our voices. This graphic from Roger Dooley of the blog Neuromarketing helps show our ideas and plans on how to use persuasion in our pitch.
